Happy Anniversary!
Today is a very special day. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years! Our relationship has been such a blessing from the Lord and has been such a source of growth and encouragement for both of us. We’ve obviously had some challenges along the way but have a really healthy dynamic that doesn't involve much conflict and is built on the firm foundation of God.
One of the activities we do that has probably contributed the most to us having a fruitful relationship is doing monthly check-ins. So, in celebration of our anniversary I thought it would be fun to share a little more about our check-ins and give you some starting steps to help you implement this practice into your own relationships.
(Thats us)
What is a Check-in?
Let me start by explaining what a monthly check-in is. Basically it’s a conversation dedicated to checking up on how you and your partner are doing in terms of your relationship, your individual lives and we added our spiritual lives. It's simply a way of making sure you’re on the same page and know where the other person currently is in their life and in this relationship.
Our Experience
Cristo and I have been doing these monthly check-ins since we got together. We haven't been perfect at doing it every single month but frequent enough for me to say it's a big part of our relationship.
For me, I think these check-ins have really improved our communication skills. we are able to have uncomfortable conversations when necessary and address the little snags before they become a bigger issue. This allows us to understand what the other person needs so much better and just make our relationship such a fun and safe space.
I asked Cristo what he thinks one of the most fruitful things about this activity has been and he said the perspective and understanding we get from having to humble ourselves in this space. Having humility and not jumping on the defense allows us to love each other better and know what we need. Often this is the time when we address things that might not be easy to hear or that are hard to talk about so we always open our chat with prayer and ask the Lord soften our hearts and give us a humble spirit. This is a beautiful way to practice the humility Christ calls us to have and when we do, there is great rewards that follow which allows us to show our love for each other better and reflect the character of Jesus.
“If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.
I think another benefit of doing these check-ins is that we get to address problems in the way the Bible calls us to. We get to take things directly to the other person and, if we really need, we seek wise counsel outside our relationship on how to go about a situation. I was reflecting on the fact that I don't often tell people about anything difficult Cristo and I face and I don't think its out of a place of trying to paint a perfect picture, but instead, it is simply because I speak to God first and to then solve it with Cristo. Telling anyone else doesn't really solve a problem because it's not the person in that relationship.
Another Note
I would also like to mention that I do think there is space for conversations like this in relationships that aren't romantic. This scripture addresses conflict in all circumstances. The friendships and family relationships - the community in our lives - should not be neglected or overlooked simply because they're not romantic. We experience issues and frustrations in all our relationships and should be treated with the same intentionality and loving approach.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
so if this is something you would like to implement, here are some things you can start with:
chat to the person you want to do this with and see if it is something they are willing to do
choose a time of month to have these chats (we usually do the last weekend of the month)
have a structure or some questions to ask in your conversation. Below is the the questions and structure we usually follow. (As we’ve done this for longer we’ve been able to have more natural conversations that don’t need as specific prompting)
If there is anything you would like to bring up, write it down and start processing through it before you chat.
I hope you enjoyed today’s newsletter. This really is an approach I would recommend anyone to take. It really has just done so much good for us.
I hope you have a great rest of your week and we’ll chat again soon x
If you want to if you want to receive these newsletters as on WhatsApp, get more involved with community and receive additional encouragement and tips, you are welcome to join this WhatsApp group.
